Wes Anderson Reteams With Favorite Objects For ‘Grand Budapest Hotel’

Much like the writhing masses plaguing Los Angeles, Sharknado moves at an unbelievably fast pace. Ian Ziering gets about three seconds of surf and flirt time in before a shark drags the cute girl in the wetsuit under the surface. Next thing you know, Nova’s stabbing a shark in the bar, and they’re running from a loose Ferris wheel, and everything’s crumbling under the weight of the impending sharkpocalypse, and oh man, it is on.

But then, in a stunning sequence of unadulterated camp, Sharknado proves it knows what it was doing. A successful B movie not only embraces its more ludicrous tendencies, but finds a new, even campier angle to exploit. It acknowledges that it’s ridiculous even while the characters, facing a shark or a sharktopus or a sharknado, don’t. In the case of Sharknado, it sends Ian Ziering into the belly of a Great White with a chainsaw so he can cut himself out of the Great White with a chainsaw, and then drag the presumed dead Nova out with him since it turns out they both got swallowed whole by the same Great White because sometimes life hands you awesome, and it’s called Sharknado.

theonion:

Most Popular Summer Camp Activities | More STATSHOTs

theonion:

Most Popular Summer Camp Activities | More STATSHOTs


Taylor Swift Enters Alternate Universe To Date Body-Building George Harrison

Taylor Swift Enters Alternate Universe To Date Body-Building George Harrison

(Source: The Onion)

The Onion Statshot - What Tumblr Blogs Are We Starting?

The Onion Statshot - What Tumblr Blogs Are We Starting?

(Source: The Onion)

The zebra spends it’s entire life standing around awaiting a violent death.

Bill Simmons Releases 2,000-Page Book Exploring How Fucking Clever He Is

"I’m extremely proud of this book, which I think I’d really have to call my life’s work—or, at least, the work of my life thus far," Simmons said at a launch party sponsored by publisher McSweeney’s and hosted by Malcolm Gladwell, who did not manage to find an opportunity to speak …
In his 14-page introduction to Wit, Brilliance, Insight, Simmons, pop culture critic Chuck Klosterman poses the question of whether Simmons is brilliant because of his decision to embrace the entirety of television while writing for people who like to watch sports on television or, indeed, in spite of it.

Bill Simmons Releases 2,000-Page Book Exploring How Fucking Clever He Is

"I’m extremely proud of this book, which I think I’d really have to call my life’s work—or, at least, the work of my life thus far," Simmons said at a launch party sponsored by publisher McSweeney’s and hosted by Malcolm Gladwell, who did not manage to find an opportunity to speak …

In his 14-page introduction to Wit, Brilliance, Insight, Simmons, pop culture critic Chuck Klosterman poses the question of whether Simmons is brilliant because of his decision to embrace the entirety of television while writing for people who like to watch sports on television or, indeed, in spite of it.

(Source: The Onion)

 ”If it’s only their second or third tour, we have no problem sending soldiers with shattered psyches and profound emotional problems back into a war zone, but the case of Staff Sgt. Bales suggests four may be too many,” said Gen. John R. Allen, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, adding that troops in their third deployment can still basically function with PTSD and, instead of snapping and killing civilians, “might still have it together enough to kill actual enemies when they go berserk.” “We are beginning to think that if a soldier in his fourth tour suffers from constant night terrors or is haunted by memories of the friends he’s lost in combat, he could actually become a liability on the battlefield.”

"When the Final Four comes around, Dick is so sexually charged that he’s pretty much into everything," said the mother of two, who admitted that it was disturbing at first to watch her husband stand stark naked in their kitchen, a ball gag muffling his screams of "It’s awesome, baby," but that the practice had grown on her. "And I’ll admit that it’s a little weird when he shouts out ‘Krzyzewski’ at the moment of climax, but believe me, it’s worth it. I have so many orgasms that it doesn’t matter."